Managing Health + Wellness While Dating
Remember: you’re dating a living, breathing, human being.
♥ ♡❦
I hope you enjoyed our last letter, Stop Complaining About Dating Apps, where we covered some actionable ways to de-prioritize the swiping apps and meet more like-minded people, with a focus on being intentional in your social life.
For those who are disillusioned by the quantity over quality inherent to swiping apps, I hope the letter offered some food for thought!
Speaking of FOOD, let’s talk about a challenge that many single folks grapple with:
Balancing health and wellness while dating.
With busy schedules, it can feel like a sacrifice must be made to one (or all) of your social life, work output, hobbies, or health & wellness routines, should you wish to go on regular dates. Often, the sacrifice is made to the latter. Pair that with dating being consumption oriented — alcohol, meals out, popcorn at the movies, less sleep — and it becomes all too easy to lose track of the health goals you’ve worked hard to maintain.
Dating — especially when going well — is inherently time-consuming and schedule busting. So that’s perhaps the first thing we need to acknowledge: we’re trying to fall in love here. The goal is to get swept off your feet a little, which means your other priorities will get affected. Having your feet firmly planted in the pursuit of existing routines will impact your ability to get swept away. That said, there are strategies and mindsets we can rely on while dating to maintain some degree of normalcy to our routines and schedules — especially in the earlier stages when we’re less willing to make sacrifices.
I’ll alternate between mindsets for dating (🧠) and practical steps (⛏️) that might help to maintain your health and wellness goals while dating. As with many things dating, it comes down to communicating clearly so you can set boundaries and protect your and your partner’s time.
⛏️ PRACTICAL:
Dates that make you sweat. I know where your mind went — and that’s an option too, cowboy — but I’m talking ACTIVITIES. It’s spring, ladies and gents. Convince your dating partner to go for a jog (conversations on the move are the best), a bike ride, a hike, a swim, and so on. Bars and restos are cool, but they quickly get repetitive, and all that food, drink, and mood lighting is making you sluggish and sleepy. Put your body under the sun with someone cute! Get those endorphins flowing. They make you happy, and being happy is hot.
🧠 MINDSET:
Keep an Eye out for Cycles of Passivity. When spending time with new people, especially in a dating context (but in general!), we are far more likely to soften our boundaries so we don't come off too demanding or rigid. This makes room for the other person’s needs and (mostly) results in a healthy give and take. But it falls apart when both parties become so passive that neither are doing what they want. This mutual over-politeness happens all the time in early stages of dating.
Example: After meeting at a bar, me and my date went back to my place, just to hang. After an hour of lounging around and chatting, I was starting to get tired. It was late, but they seemed perfectly content to keep chatting, so I withdrew into my tiredness, letting them lead. At the two hour mark, I finally told them I was exhausted. Right away they apologized; they were tired too, but since I was just vibing, looking happy, they felt a need to entertain me. In our mutual passivity, we put pressure on each other to hang out for longer than we really wanted to. The next day at work was rough.
The key thing here is to remember the mutual sacrifice at play, rather than assuming your partner is always doing exactly what they want (if you aren’t, they might not be either). This can help you detect cycles of passivity, which can be broken with a quick vibe check: I’m exhausted. How are you feeling?.
⛏️ PRACTICAL:
Don’t default to drinks. I’m seeing this more often now amongst my single friends, which is a good thing. For the first and second dates especially, we are opting for afternoon coffees, picnics and park hangs, or the trusty neighbourhood stroll. Not only does this remove drinking from the equation, and all its health and cost implications, but first dates outside the bar are much lower pressure, socially. They are also easier to exit, should you wish to. There is also an implication of brevity; it’s not rude to keep them to 30 minutes or an hour, so you can tuck yourself in before 11 :)
🧠 MINDSET:
Remember that you’re going on a date with a living, breathing, human being. Sometimes we get so caught up in dating for the sake of dating that we kind of forget this. Remember that the person across from you, too, is sacrificing time which could be spent doing their hobbies, socializing with friends, exercising, sleeping, whatever, to hang out with YOU. If you’re feeling an urge to protect your time during the date (by ending it) or your health (I’ll pass on another drink / food), there’s a good chance they are too. When you express yourself, there’s a good chance they’ll be relieved. If they’re not, that’s OK to — you’ve sent a signal that you’re honest about boundaries.
⛏️ PRACTICAL:
Where do we stand on eye masks and earplugs??? Less advice, more debate for this one. When there is a new person in my bed, my sleep quality takes a hit. It doesn’t help that I wear an eye mask and earplugs normally, but skip those with a new person (I’m convinced it will give them the ick). Eye mask and earplug aficionados… on what date should we feel comfortable whipping those bad boys out??? In theory, it should be the very first time you sleep together. In practice, I tend to wait until we’ve had 2 or 3 sleeps. Either way, the point here is to LIVE YOUR TRUTH and stick to your routines, especially with your precious sleep. You will absolutely not be judged. Mark my words — next time I will not cave to self-consciousness — unless people tell me in the comments that masks and earplugs are a no no.
🧠 MINDSET:
End things on a high note. This is one I’ve actively incorporated into my dating life and I love it. When things are going well, especially with someone you like, it’s so easy to slip into the cycle of another drink, another hour, another dessert — whatever. And that’s a good thing! That's the whole point. But it doesn’t hurt, when this instinct pops up, to question it for an extra second. Some people are more susceptible to this “one more..” cycle than others. Like me. I’ll let the high ride out on first and second dates, turning them into 5+ hour affairs, after which I am socially and spiritually drained, and there is a sense that it was all too much all at once. What if we ended things right here instead?, is worth asking. An amazing date doesn’t have to end the way the movies say it should (which almost always involves not sleeping). There is romance in bottling up the tension, a passionate farewell, before it all gets released. Save some juice for next time.
⛏️ PRACTICAL:
Cooking for two is always better. When it comes time for the inevitable dinner date — whether that happens as a first date (I don’t recommend) or date #4 for you — offer to cook! Not only is this cute af and a refreshing change, but it’s way healthier than eating out, more affordable, and less disruptive to your routine. Cook some surplus and you’ve even got yourself a lunch for tomorrow.
🧠 MINDSET:
For the introverts. If your social battery is easily drained by conversation, space out the dates that are purely face-to-face / one-on-one, which require a steady stream of back and forth convo. There’s a sense that the first handful of dates need to be very conversationally driven, but I think this expectation is overblown. As a fellow introvert, I find much social relief simply through a date format where we don’t have to stare at each other in the eyes for 1-2 hours. Activity-oriented dates are far less straining on my social battery. Double dates with friends, as soon as you feel comfortable, are another great option. This letter might be reading as if I’m saying to never go on dinner or drink dates — but I’m more so pushing back on our over-reliance on them. Keep a healthy mix!
⛏️ PRACTICAL:
Errand dates. We covered this in our post of (Actually) Unique Date Ideas. After the very early round dates, it’s perfectly acceptable to make a date out of groceries or other errands. Or to meal prep together, for example. Rather than putting your life on hold, which is what results in the loss of routines that keep your health and wellness in check, make dates out of your routines! If you’re nervous about suggesting something like this, remember what I said earlier: you’re going on a date with a living, breathing, human being. If you sprinkle these in (without overdoing it) the other person will appreciate the opportunity to stay on top of their life while dating you.
Have you developed any practical strategies or changes to mindset to better manage your time, health, and wellness in the early stages of dating? We’d love to hear!
Happy dating,
- Cheers
♥ ♡❦