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I hope you enjoyed our last letter, Stop Complaining About Dating Apps, where we covered some actionable ways to de-prioritize the swiping apps and meet more like-minded people, with a focus on being intentional in your social life.

For those who are disillusioned by the quantity over quality inherent to swiping apps, I hope the letter offered some food for thought!

Speaking of FOOD, let’s talk about a challenge that many single folks grapple with:

Balancing health and wellness while dating.

With busy schedules, it can feel like a sacrifice must be made to one (or all) of your social life, work output, hobbies, or health & wellness routines, should you wish to go on regular dates. Often, the sacrifice is made to the latter. Pair that with dating being consumption oriented — alcohol, meals out, popcorn at the movies, less sleep — and it becomes all too easy to lose track of the health goals you’ve worked hard to maintain.

Dating — especially when going well — is inherently time-consuming and schedule busting. So that’s perhaps the first thing we need to acknowledge: we’re trying to fall in love here. The goal is to get swept off your feet a little, which means your other priorities will get affected. Having your feet firmly planted in the pursuit of existing routines will impact your ability to get swept away. That said, there are strategies and mindsets we can rely on while dating to maintain some degree of normalcy to our routines and schedules — especially in the earlier stages when we’re less willing to make sacrifices.

I’ll alternate between mindsets for dating (🧠) and practical steps (⛏️) that might help to maintain your health and wellness goals while dating. As with many things dating, it comes down to communicating clearly so you can set boundaries and protect your and your partner’s time.

⛏️ PRACTICAL:

Dates that make you sweat. I know where your mind went — and that’s an option too, cowboy — but I’m talking ACTIVITIES. It’s spring, ladies and gents. Convince your dating partner to go for a jog (conversations on the move are the best), a bike ride, a hike, a swim, and so on. Bars and restos are cool, but they quickly get repetitive, and all that food, drink, and mood lighting is making you sluggish and sleepy. Put your body under the sun with someone cute! Get those endorphins flowing. They make you happy, and being happy is hot.

🧠 MINDSET:

Keep an Eye out for Cycles of Passivity. When spending time with new people, especially in a dating context (but in general!), we are far more likely to soften our boundaries so we don't come off too demanding or rigid. This makes room for the other person’s needs and (mostly) results in a healthy give and take. But it falls apart when both parties become so passive that neither are doing what they want. This mutual over-politeness happens all the time in early stages of dating.

Example: After meeting at a bar, me and my date went back to my place, just to hang. After an hour of lounging around and chatting, I was starting to get tired. It was late, but they seemed perfectly content to keep chatting, so I withdrew into my tiredness, letting them lead. At the two hour mark, I finally told them I was exhausted. Right away they apologized; they were tired too, but since I was just vibing, looking happy, they felt a need to entertain me. In our mutual passivity, we put pressure on each other to hang out for longer than we really wanted to. The next day at work was rough.

The key thing here is to remember the mutual sacrifice at play, rather than assuming your partner is always doing exactly what they want (if you aren’t, they might not be either). This can help you detect cycles of passivity, which can be broken with a quick vibe check: I’m exhausted. How are you feeling?.

⛏️ PRACTICAL:

Don’t default to drinks. I’m seeing this more often now amongst my single friends, which is a good thing. For the first and second dates especially, we are opting for afternoon coffees, picnics and park hangs, or the trusty neighbourhood stroll. Not only does this remove drinking from the equation, and all its health and cost implications, but first dates outside the bar are much lower pressure, socially. They are also easier to exit, should you wish to. There is also an implication of brevity; it’s not rude to keep them to 30 minutes or an hour, so you can tuck yourself in before 11 :)

🧠 MINDSET:

Remember that you’re going on a date with a living, breathing, human being. Sometimes we get so caught up in dating for the sake of dating that we kind of forget this. Remember that the person across from you, too, is sacrificing time which could be spent doing their hobbies, socializing with friends, exercising, sleeping, whatever, to hang out with YOU. If you’re feeling an urge to protect your time during the date (by ending it) or your health (I’ll pass on another drink / food), there’s a good chance they are too. When you express yourself, there’s a good chance they’ll be relieved. If they’re not, that’s OK to — you’ve sent a signal that you’re honest about boundaries.

⛏️ PRACTICAL:

Where do we stand on eye masks and earplugs??? Less advice, more debate for this one. When there is a new person in my bed, my sleep quality takes a hit. It doesn’t help that I wear an eye mask and earplugs normally, but skip those with a new person (I’m convinced it will give them the ick). Eye mask and earplug aficionados… on what date should we feel comfortable whipping those bad boys out??? In theory, it should be the very first time you sleep together. In practice, I tend to wait until we’ve had 2 or 3 sleeps. Either way, the point here is to LIVE YOUR TRUTH and stick to your routines, especially with your precious sleep. You will absolutely not be judged. Mark my words — next time I will not cave to self-consciousness — unless people tell me in the comments that masks and earplugs are a no no.

🧠 MINDSET:

End things on a high note. This is one I’ve actively incorporated into my dating life and I love it. When things are going well, especially with someone you like, it’s so easy to slip into the cycle of another drink, another hour, another dessert — whatever. And that’s a good thing! That's the whole point. But it doesn’t hurt, when this instinct pops up, to question it for an extra second. Some people are more susceptible to this “one more..” cycle than others. Like me. I’ll let the high ride out on first and second dates, turning them into 5+ hour affairs, after which I am socially and spiritually drained, and there is a sense that it was all too much all at once. What if we ended things right here instead?, is worth asking. An amazing date doesn’t have to end the way the movies say it should (which almost always involves not sleeping). There is romance in bottling up the tension, a passionate farewell, before it all gets released. Save some juice for next time.

⛏️ PRACTICAL:

Cooking for two is always better. When it comes time for the inevitable dinner date — whether that happens as a first date (I don’t recommend) or date #4 for you — offer to cook! Not only is this cute af and a refreshing change, but it’s way healthier than eating out, more affordable, and less disruptive to your routine. Cook some surplus and you’ve even got yourself a lunch for tomorrow.

🧠 MINDSET:

For the introverts. If your social battery is easily drained by conversation, space out the dates that are purely face-to-face / one-on-one, which require a steady stream of back and forth convo. There’s a sense that the first handful of dates need to be very conversationally driven, but I think this expectation is overblown. As a fellow introvert, I find much social relief simply through a date format where we don’t have to stare at each other in the eyes for 1-2 hours. Activity-oriented dates are far less straining on my social battery. Double dates with friends, as soon as you feel comfortable, are another great option. This letter might be reading as if I’m saying to never go on dinner or drink dates — but I’m more so pushing back on our over-reliance on them. Keep a healthy mix!

⛏️ PRACTICAL:

Errand dates. We covered this in our post of (Actually) Unique Date Ideas. After the very early round dates, it’s perfectly acceptable to make a date out of groceries or other errands. Or to meal prep together, for example. Rather than putting your life on hold, which is what results in the loss of routines that keep your health and wellness in check, make dates out of your routines! If you’re nervous about suggesting something like this, remember what I said earlier: you’re going on a date with a living, breathing, human being. If you sprinkle these in (without overdoing it) the other person will appreciate the opportunity to stay on top of their life while dating you.

Have you developed any practical strategies or changes to mindset to better manage your time, health, and wellness in the early stages of dating? We’d love to hear!

Happy dating,

- Cheers

♥ ♡❦

♥ ♡❦

Good morning friends and lovers. I hope you enjoyed our last letter, (Actually) Unique Date Ideas, which included some fun and challenging ways to break free from the repetitive early-stage dating cycle.

A total of ONE reader responded to let me know that they suggested a grocery / errand date for a Sunday afternoon [4th date]. The suggestion was well-received and the date was a success! The reader liked that it turned a chore into an outing to look forward to. Since they were already quite comfortable with the other person, the lack of formality went off without a hitch. They also learned that their dating partner loves meandering through aisles, and is therefore quite slow at grocery shopping and comes out of the store with all sorts of nonsense that wasn’t on their list. We love these little discoveries :)

Just that one response made writing the letter worth it. Keep em’ coming!

Today we’re addressing the elephant in the room: THE F*CKING APPS.

Love em’? Hate em’? Probably somewhere in between? This is a nuanced topic that rarely gets treated as such. The overwhelming sentiment, according to in-depth cultural research (memes) is that we’re all miserable. The big 3 apps (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble) are seen as superficial, unromantic, greedy, inconsistent, and time-consuming. This Forbes article, the “great deletion”, the ascendance of run and dinner clubs… the list goes on.

Pretty much all the complaints against the Big 3 are valid, but imo we don’t need to hear them anymore. I’m not in the habit of defending tech CEOs, and the way they’ve monetized these apps to make them near-useless for free users sucks, but to be fair, the creators of these apps had a tough job. Dating & relationships are a central component of human life. More important, for many people, than our diets, or where we choose to live. It should never have been expected that the first (second, or third) attempts to capture these complex processes through apps would be a glowing success. Not to mention that the majority of couples around us do owe their meet-cutes (minus the cute) to the apps. There are improvements to be made, but we can’t say they’re doing nothing right.

As serial complainers about the apps (I was once firmly in this category), perhaps it’s time to take a hard look at our personal approaches to dating rather than scrutinizing their sus algorithms, or overhauling our profiles for the 100th time. Ask yourself, fellow complainers: why are we continuing to rely on the apps as our primary tool for meeting new people? Our generation is supposed to be about setting boundaries, letting go of what doesn’t serve us, etc. etc. To have relied on the apps for years with little to nothing to show for it, makes us at least as guilty as the apps are for our disappointment. They shouldn’t be our main tool. Simple as that. They can be a tool — but not the primary one.

Most of our complaints about the apps have the tone of throwing our hands up and lamenting that our generation was given a raw deal. But let’s be honest — our dating pool in 2025 is the biggest it’s ever been in the history of… humanity. I used to complain about too many options, but have since accepted that starting with abundance and shrinking down beats starting with a limited selection (e.g., the 3 ‘nice Indian girls’ my mom DM’d me on LinkedIn) and having no opportunity beyond it. Abundance is a good thing, it’s just that the swiping apps were a bit too broad for me, personally; I was casting too wide of a net. So I set the apps to the side and started intentionally trying to grow my IRL dating pool with filters that brought in more quality + intimacy, while ensuring that I was still meeting enough new people to give myself a chance. For the rest of this letter, I’ll outline how I’ve started making these changes in my life, and how they might be brought into yours.

Cast a Smaller Net Online, or a Wider Net IRL

One way to do this is to pay a steep fee to the apps to improve your filtering options, and to use the filters well. But there are plenty of real-life filters that will work just as well, if not better, than swiping filters, while making your life more social, challenging, and fun. If the apps are your primary tool, there’s a good chance it’s because your social life cannot be described per the above, and that you’re not meeting enough like-minded people as a result. This can be changed by adjusting the filters on how you spend your time.

So let’s think about how most of us split up our time:

• Working

• Seeing friends + family

• Doing our favourite activities + hobbies

Did I miss something? The above three items might make our lives sound shockingly simple, but our decisions around each are full of nuance and, more than anything else, are deeply representative of who we are. Much more so than the superficial filters we use on the swiping apps. All three should therefore be relied on to meet new people — and not just single people, the keyword is like-minded people — wherever possible.

I should mention that for the latter two, friends + hobbies, there is a generation of new dating apps (including Cheers) which help you meet singles through mutual friends and/or mutual interests. I’m not aware of one for the workplace… probably for the best lol. It’s great to see new apps improving on the current approaches that people are clearly tiring of, and making use less superficial qualifiers than the swiping apps. These apps are worth exploring, especially as they grow. But back to casting a wider net IRL.

On the side of working. Do you have a hybrid office but work at home out of convenience? Are you exclusively seeking remote-only jobs? Do you skip work social events so you can squeeze in a workout before dinner? I hear you, but… maybe stop that. Workplaces are v underrated resources for meeting people. Where else, outside of school, will you be surrounded by others with broadly similar interests and intellectual abilities, with endless excuses to get to know them? Perhaps you’re squeamish about the idea of finding love in the workplace (to which I say bring back the office flirt), but that doesn’t matter. The goal is to be constantly meeting new, like-minded people — single or otherwise. And if you think you’re too good / cool for the people you work with, this attitude is probably harming your broader ability to meet new people, both inside and outside of work.

On the side of your existing social network. Put your besties to work by having them constantly on the lookout for you (they probably already are) and actually listen to their suggestions. Also, for the single besties, get them reading this letter so that they are maximizing the social opportunities, which you can benefit from. But more importantly than focusing on your closest friends, normalize the friend date with people who are not besties.When you’re surrounded by your clique, it closes you off to meeting new people. You enjoy the company of those select few too much to take a risk on someone else. Think about that friend of a friend, or person you see around at parties but don’t really know, who always seems to be doing cool shit. Instead of (or perhaps in addition to) DMing hot strangers on Instagram, DM that person — again, it doesn’t matter if they’re of romantic interest or not. Set up a friend date. Keep reaching out across your friend pool through mutuals. Aim for a couple new-friend dates a month. The like-minded, single people will follow.

On the side of your favourite hobbies + activities. I see a lot of people flocking to run clubs. No hate on these, but I refuse to believe that this many twenty-somethings consider running to be one of their preferred hobbies / activities. I think a lot of people are hearing that they are where singles congregate, and it feels like the path of least resistance as they try to wean off the apps. But the path of least resistance is not necessarily the right path. What are your hobbies? Reading? Go to book openings at trendy book stores. Do you find the people there intimidating? Good. That’s what you want. Love to travel? Take in-person language or dance classes from the country you’re next visiting. Cooking? Start a dinner club where you only invite one other foodie you know, who is allowed to invite one person you don’t know, who is allowed to invite one person… and so on. If you live in NYC (as almost all our current readers do), there are outlets + companionship for every fascination. Exploit them!

You may notice here that I’m not really talking about dating. I truly believe that the best way to improve your dating life is to make your social life more challenging and abundant. That often gets misconstrued as partying and late nights, but it doesn’t have to mean that. What it really means is intentionally applying filters to the ways you spend the bulk of your time, to make each day more conducive to meeting new + like minded people. Going to the same sleepy bar or the same dinner parties with your 3 closest friends might not cut it. Nothing wrong with these things, but if they make up the vast majority of your social life, and the dating apps aren’t working for you… well then we might have a problem. If you feel seen by this article, let me admit that I feel seen by writing it. I struggle with the exact same problem, and have slowly been pushing my way through by casting a wider net IRL. This has resulted in 2025 having some of my best dates, ever.

Let’s change it up together.

- Anonymous contributor from the Cheers community

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Hey gorgeous people! ✨

It's Nidhi, your personal cupid and party planner extraordinaire from Cheers! 💖

Guess what?! We're throwing the ultimate spring mixer at the oh-so-chic Elsie Rooftop on Friday, April 25th at 8:30 pm, and you're invited!

RSVP

Picture this: stunning views, delicious cocktails, and a room filled with hundreds of our most eligible (and adorable!) singles. 🍸🌷 We're talking serious spring fling vibes! Whether you're searching for your happily ever after ❤️, some flirty banter 😏, or just a night of unforgettable fun, this is the place to be. And of course, bring your non-single matchmaker friends—because everyone deserves a night out! ✨

To add to the fun, we're embracing an optional **but encouraged** Rom-Com theme 👗👔! Channel your inner romantic heroine or hero and dress up as your favorite Rom-Com character! (Hollywood, Bollywood, or Tollywood—the more dramatic, the better!) Imagine the meet-cute possibilities!

We've got a live DJ spinning the hottest tracks ⚡, a fun mixer game to break the ice (and maybe some hearts!), and an electric atmosphere that's guaranteed to make your night sparkle. ✨

And guess what? We're offering $25 Early Bird tickets right now! Snag yours on Posh before they vanish like a perfect date after midnight. 😉

RSVP

Can't wait to see you there!

XOXO,

Nidhi, Your Cheers Cupid 💘

♥ ♡❦

TL;DR

📅 📍When & Where
Friday, April 25th, doors open 8:30 PM
Elsie Rooftop, 1412 Broadway, New York, NY 10018

🎟️ Tickets
Tiered options available via Posh

👗👔 Dresscode (Optional)
Your fav Rom Com character (Hollywood, Bollywood, or Tollywood)

♥ ♡❦

Good morning friends and lovers.

We hope you enjoyed our very first letter, Single in a World of Couples, which was published last week. It was an introspective piece which captured a complex feeling that might be familiar to single readers.

We also heard your feedback: three readers found it relatable; two felt that the piece leaned too heavily towards the pessimistic side of being single; one found that it made them quite sad (sorry); another said they felt more empowered in their single life after reading. Quite a spread! We love to hear all the feedback — negative, positive, whatever. We’re still finding our footing for First Impressions, but one thing we’re sure of is that it’s NOT a one-way channel

Today, we picked a topic that’s much lighter, with a more practical focus.

Our goal for this list is to share some TRULY unique options to break you out of the boring date cycle. Note that some of these ideas are fairly… involved; they might be nerve-wracking to introduce, especially to a total stranger. Others are quick ideas that could be brought up spontaneously during a normal date to liven things up. Keep the latter in your back pocket.

Many of the options will take you and your dating partner a little outside of your comfort zone, but if they didn’t, this list would be the same old boring stuff you’ve already read. These will help to break down barriers and get you past that third date lull. Let’s spice things up!

We’ve broken the ideas down into First to Third Date territory, where you might want to play it safer, and Fourth Date onwards, where you can get more freaky. Of course, these are arbitrary guidelines. You’ll know what works best for you.

First to Third Date Territory

🎥 Movie in the park. Starting with a super safe one that’s not unique, but SO underrated. Every city has these! Bring olives, cheese, and a bottle of something nice. Here is a list of ones available in NYC:

• Hudson RiverFlicks

• Movies with a View at Brooklyn Bridge Park

• Bryant Park Movie Nights

• NYC Parks Free Summer Movies

• Movie Nights at Hudson Yards

🖼 Attend gallery / museum openings and book release parties. Again, on the safe / unoriginal side, but there are countless of these almost every night in NYC, and it’s great to support your local arts scene. Also, they serve as great icebreakers: low pressure, open-door policy, something to look at and discuss, often free wine. Great people watching as well. If you’re nervous about having something intelligent to say about the art (which is NOT necessary), do some quick research on the show(s) you’re planning to attend.

🪄Show & Tell. Once you have an idea of mutual interests, set up a date where each of you brings a beloved thing within the category of mutual interest you have. Ideally whatever is brought can be consumed, or at least presented in some way, during the date. For example, records, wine, video games, a passion project. Leave some space for each person to explain the thing they brought. Why they love it, the story behind it, etc. Listen and ask questions!

Sample message: I feel like when you were talking your app idea last night you didn’t want to bore me… but I found it so interesting! I was thinking for our next hang you could show me your initial designs and tell me more about it? I’ll even do the same with my little side hustle.

🃏 Get a Tarot reading done or visit a mystic together. This is guaranteed to prompt some interesting conversations when you debrief after. If you’re feeling brave, ask them to interpret your dating future(s).

📝 Errand dates. Highly underrated because, let’s face it — we’re all busy. Go about your normal running of errands with someone in the early stages of dating. It takes a lot of pressure off the date as you can just chat and they can see you in your natural environment. AND you get shit done. This might sound exploitative on the surface, but the invitation can actually be very charming, as it feels like you’re letting the person into your life. Remember — if you can have fun with them doing mundane stuff, it’s a very good sign.

Sample message: I’m doing groceries in a few hours and think it would be so much more enjoyable if you came along!

🛋 Go to estate sales. Especially in cities like NY where there are so many eclectic characters around, you can find estate sales of every kind in your area. And yes… an estate sale is a liquidation sale of someone’s property after they pass away. But it’s not morbid! This is more of an adventure than your typical shopping or thrifting date, as you’re entering someone’s space, perusing often personal objects, getting to participate in auctions, and (sometimes) walking away with incredible + affordable finds.

Fourth Date Onwards

🛣️ Night drive. Pick an album you want to listen to, front to back, and go for an aimless drive. Don’t make a plan for stops, just pick a direction and go. Ideally a route neither of you take very often. When you’re staring at an open road ahead of you, conversation has a habit of opening up and being more intimate. And perhaps you’ll make some spontaneous stops along the way that will be memorable. Carshare programs should allow you to do this pretty affordably if you don’t own a car!

Sample message: Hey, last time we hung out you were telling me about the new FKA Twigs album. Haven’t listened yet, but I was thinking tomorrow night we could go for a drive and listen? We can stop for dinner or snacks or a picnic or whatever.

🧑🏽‍⚖️ Night bosses. Break the date into two segments. One person is the boss of the first segment, the other is the boss of the second. Alternatively, you can alternate being bosses for separate dates. The boss is responsible for ALL plans during their segment, is in charge of vibes, and has final say on every decision. This helps with indecision during the what do we do next? phase. With strong communication and ground rules, this can be taken back to the bedroom.

Sample message: I love our democratic date planning, but in the spirit of 2025, lets dabble with some authoritarianism. I’m electing you as night boss for our next date. You can pick anything you want to do, and get final say on every decision for the night. If it goes well, I’ll take over next time. Shall we try? 😈

🔪 Iron chef. Each person buys a secret ingredient for the other (make sure to set a budget first!), then reveals it at the start of the night, for the other to cook a single dish with the ingredient chosen for them. Combine your dishes for your dinner date. No recipes allowed, just whatever ingredients are in the kitchen. A great way to find out who's a more creative and intuitive cook! If this is too stressful, the same can be done for cocktails.

👤 Pretend I’m not here. One person goes about their night exactly as they would if the other wasn’t there, and the other person just tags along. This is the Errand Date on steroids. It’s not only revealing of what a person is like behind closed doors, but it adds a layer of intrigue to what would otherwise be mundane. Remember — if you can have fun with them doing mundane stuff, it’s a very good sign. Plus, it’s simple and low pressure.

Sample message: Weird idea… but can I just like, chill with you while you go about your regular weeknight routine? I love our high effort dates, but can tell they take a lot out of both of us with our schedules. Would love to just see you exist the way you do without me around!

👗 How would you dress me? Give the person access to your wardrobe and get them to put together what they consider the best outfit available in your collection. And vice versa. Great way to see the differences in your tastes. And who doesn’t love a game that involves dressing / undressing?

💗 Volunteer at a soup kitchen, or a park clean-up, community garden, or similar. Dating tends to be very consumption-oriented. It can be a fantastic change of pace (and romantic!) to give back to the community.

Sample message: Hey, I’m planning to volunteer at the Food Bank next week. I try to go every couple months and it’s actually such a fun group of people. Would love for you to join!

🖌️ Sketch Each Other, No Matter Your Skill Level. Bring notebooks to a bar, café, or park, sit across a table, and attempt to draw each other. Guaranteed you will learn something new about the other person’s face. And you better believe that staring at each other for a while will build some (good) tension.

That’s all for now!

Did this list get your creative juices flowing??? Or have an idea that we missed??? Share your ideas and thoughts in the comments, or by replying to this email, and we’ll feature them in a future post and credit you ofc :)

Happy dating,

- Cheers

♥ ♡❦

♥ ♡❦

In one moment, you and your friends had stumbled into good jobs, lived in one of the most exciting cities in the world, and had the decade laid out before you like fruits ripe for the picking. In the next, three-quarters of you had left the city and the invitations started arriving in the mail: 5 weddings, 2 bachelor parties, 2 engagements, all in one Summer. You knew it was coming. You’d been told countless times by people a few years older: it happens quick. The part they didn’t warn you about was how similarly you’d feel between those early days in the city and today, a decade later. How a pandemic and hundreds of bad decisions and just as many good ones would make you wiser, sure, but would not change the fact that you still felt like you were at the start of your life, despite everyone else seemingly embarking on new ones.

Surrounded by couples, the once-glamorous qualities of your single life started to feel a bit self-indulgent. Stories that used to be pure romance — a summer fling, solo travel, a reckless weekend — seemed frivolous compared to the sacrifice your friend made for their partner, or the green tea ordered at the bar by your old drinking buddy because she’s three months pregnant. Coupled friends would tell you how jealous they were of your independence, but you’d never believe them. You analyzed their words until you felt certain they were said out of pity, even though you knew they hadn’t thought about their words, or your life, nearly as much as you had. You surrounded yourself with more singles and analyzed their words, too. Their claims about loving the single life felt declared as if in protest, as if challenging someone to question them. What a pity, you thought, to have to pretend. But then you went out with them and saw their genuine enjoyment, no evidence of your inner torment. You started to wonder whether you just pitied yourself.

Weirdly, these spells of insecurity only came in response to external pressures. Like when your friend asked if you needed a +1 invitation to their wedding. Or when a relative asked you if you had any “exciting news”, with their eyebrows raised, without first thinking to ask how you were doing. Or when someone said, you’re so great — I don’t understand how you’re still single, as if having a partner was the only possible outcome of being a great person. When those expectations were out of the picture, in other words, 90%+ of the time, there was so little to complain about. You had a manageable schedule, dollars to spend, gratifying work, an active social life. Every morning you woke up with a healthy brain and body. It would shock you how quickly this pure, simple satisfaction could be dismantled by a well-meaning inquiry about your love life. You couldn’t tell whether your insecurity was a result of failing to meet other people’s expectations or failing to meet yours.

You began to fear that everything you claimed to enjoy about being single was a shield against your disappointment. So, you started dating with less whimsy, more intention, asking questions you normally saved for the fourth or fifth date on the second or third. Questions that used to make you recoil. Dating, predictably, became more of a chore than a desire. You even added a little reminder in your phone, alongside your meditation reminder, to use the apps for some minutes, to cast out a few baited lines each day. When you asked ChatGPT how many single people there were between 25 and 35 in New York City, it told you roughly 500,000. Somehow, this number felt small. You blamed your city, the apps, your sedentary friends, the pandemic, your upbringing. And then, like magic, your hopelessness vanished in a brief moment of interaction at a café. The person’s face lingered in your thoughts for days after, each appearance making your thirty-something self feel twenty-something all over again, reminding you of the stupidity in assigning feelings to a number.

The anxious moments were inevitable — a product of age, culture, social media, the movies, whatever else taught you that by now you shouldn’t be single. Also inevitable, though, was the rush of sensation that emerged in response to worrying yourself numb. The reminder that you were still living a life, right then, at that second. And all the things you had done, and ignored, while fretting about the pace your life was moving. The person you reached out to and became so close with because you wanted more single friends. The tens of books you read on your so-called “lonely” nights, a few of which changed your life. The countless catastrophic dates (now hilarious stories), the quietly hopeful ones, and all the awkward moments in between. You flipped through pictures from the soul-searching trip you went on, thinking what a stupid cliché, but knew deep-down, in a way you wouldn’t say aloud, that you got in touch with unknown parts of yourself there. You remembered the one or two instances that you reached out with real love and found it reciprocated, and how you’d never be willing to trade away those memories. And instead of shouting these wonders to the world, I’m single and proud, you hold them close to your chest in quiet confidence, always there to remind you how much wonder lies ahead.

But only if you let yourself feel it.

♥ ♡❦

Written and contributed with love, by: Rishi Midha